Junior High is a phase for adolescence, the early and middle childhood era has done.
I moved from Islamic elementary school to an international private school. When I was about to graduate elementary, at first, my parents doesn't want to moved me and my twin brother, and just continue JH in the same school. They said something about financial situation, we can not afford to go to another school and pay the "uang pangkal" let alone it'd be the most expensive international private school. I was so mad at them, the idea of spending more of my time at my old school is so scary, believe me, it's not the school that you'd be so crazy to attend too. But after being mad at them for a year, I kinda feel like I have to let it go. Maybe they too doesn't have an option.
But as you see, miracles happened. Alhamdulillah. For God knows what reason it is, one day, they told us that we can move, to that most expensive international school in the city. And the joy was beyond cloud nines.
So we study so hard to passed the tests. The three of us: me, my twin brother and my older brother (attending SH) And after a lot of study camp with our mother, we all passed.
When it's time to almost graduating elementary, I kinda felt a little nervous, scared that I won't fit in with all those rich kids. Trying so hard to make a good impression, buying stuffs that won't make me look as poor. Deciding what fashion-style should I go to. And what kinda friends I wanted to hang out with.
I tried so hard, you may say. Until I ruined my impressions. In the beginning, I already felt the bullying phase on me. You know, that kinda stuffs when you get pressure from mostly girls in your class. Because I actually was a dork and a shy kid. I can't socialise that easy, especially with girls. So I spent most of my times with the boys, I actually have one boy-friend that's pretty closed with me, though, during that beginning of puberty phase, boys are such a turn-offs, including my own twin brother. Then I kept my distance with the only one person who wanted to be friends with me. And for all I know, that boy was moving away, funnily, to my old school. But I did try to survive by being friends with students in another class, my old friends from elementary too. I have to survive at one point somehow.
The bullying kept happening for the first semester, until the climax happened when I actually so depressed about it. You know that was the year of 2010, and twitter has started to be a trend. Also, blackberrys, and silly bands (Tho I'm so proud I survived it all) We were all on twitter, we tweet so liberately, about our own thoughts, our friends, and maybe our crushes. Mentions and retweets as if it determines our social standards. Most of our education were from a twitter account that shared about #funfacts. And we "maturely" follow twitter accounts about relationships. As if we understand enough about it.
Oh I was saying, yes, the climax actually happened in that social media platforms. I had enough of crying my eyes out the first second I arrived home. I had enough of getting scared to get out of bed in the morning. This pain has to end somehow. So I stupidly and brave-fully stood up with my tweets. Saying stuffs about my classmates.
Of course, it's not actually the best way to handle a fight. But I was 12, what choice do I have?
And as expected, yes, I got confront by my classmates. One day, they called me to "talk". Which is a word for a social court. Which now come to think about it, was actually very smart and brave too for them. They confronted me and I forgot maybe I apologised. But I kinda recalled about having a bigger court with the whole class and a teacher. However it was, the storm was over.
The girls stop bullying me and were kinda nice. I still have my best friends from another class and also a bunch of seniors who I met in the magazine club. Finally the storm was over and a silver lining revealed.
Though that phase really kinda help me to be who I am today. And I'm grateful for it to happened. Aside from the pain and panic attacks.
The year finished perfectly, I made my first short movie for the class's IT class assignment. I had a crush on a boy. Involved at the schools event. Join the camps and all. And of course, some best friends.
And then comes the second year. Since I survived the social wars now, it's not really the biggest topic in this year. But more of a higher level of drama.
I have a different kind of friends, friends whom I never thought I'd be friends with. And also... first boyfriend!!
Of course in that time, everybody has started dating. As I said, I was a dork and shy kid (well a little less than the previous year) who would like a small girl like me??
Aaaaand there he was.
I was on the science club (i dont even know why) and this boy came up to me, give me a piece of paper and asked me to write my number. Can you believe? A 13 year old me, being asked of my number. In a time of a world full of online messengers and social medias. As if I was picked up in a bar.
Did I give it to him? Confusing and awkwardly, yes.
But turns out, I still have that "ew boys" hormones in me. Until I feel so disgusted by all of his messages that pops up in my phone. But still replying one or two of them. And somehow, I don't know how, he decided to asked me out.
And this is not the "asked me out" in a chat or a phone call or even in a face-to-face private conversation. This is the real "ask me out" with 3 classes of students watching and supporting. That apparently people still remembers somehow.
The thing is, I knew before hand that he wanted to ask me out. And I remember not liking the idea of that, since I don't really like him that much. And I don't know how much he paid them, but my friends keeps pushing me.
And then he chose the perfect date of 11.11.11 (11th November 2011) I was so scared, but he actually did it. And in a room full of eyes on me (read: pressure) Me-whom at first do not want to accept-accepts. I don't know why people was so happy about it until the boys started to celebrate and lift him up like he just won the nationals soccer game.
And me? He was my first boyfriend and I don't know anything about love! We ended up with 2 years relationships of on and offs. But relax, now, 8 years later, he become one of my best friend.
That's the highlight of the second year, the rest was just a friendships and rebellion things. I remember one event that I was actually the class leader but getting replaced when I had in a fight with one of the teacher. And the year I begin to lied to my mom, which was so ugly. And how I embarrassed myself by (not) playing piano in front of the whole classes. This year was full of new experiences and feelings. All the good and bad ones.
Third year just went as it should be. The final year, so it was full of exams and academic stuffs. I never cared about it, so I don't mind being in a D or C level class. But it was full of another friends story too.
And I remember instead of going to the farewell trip to Bali, me and my twin brother went with my mom to Jogja.
I think third year was happy, so there's not much to tell, lol.
That's all for the nostalgic writing of me. I don't know why I feel like writing about it, maybe since I just listened to the Glee playlist and how I just reunited with my twin brother again.
All I wanted to say is, I've come a long way since then. Now I turned to be a young woman who really likes to study, and creative thinking. Whose chasing dreams to become a (still) writer and guess what--neuropsychologist. Who had enough of being socially awkward and shy. Who's hopelessly in love with a boy and wishing for us to get married already (who's funnily, is somewhere in the stories)
So many stories that lead us to where we are now, so remembering them sometimes is pretty good for reflections. Thanking for all the pain, heart breaks, sadness and disappointment that made us as strong as we are now. Somewhere inside of us, that kid is still in there.
13/12/19
the day after the short escape
I moved from Islamic elementary school to an international private school. When I was about to graduate elementary, at first, my parents doesn't want to moved me and my twin brother, and just continue JH in the same school. They said something about financial situation, we can not afford to go to another school and pay the "uang pangkal" let alone it'd be the most expensive international private school. I was so mad at them, the idea of spending more of my time at my old school is so scary, believe me, it's not the school that you'd be so crazy to attend too. But after being mad at them for a year, I kinda feel like I have to let it go. Maybe they too doesn't have an option.
But as you see, miracles happened. Alhamdulillah. For God knows what reason it is, one day, they told us that we can move, to that most expensive international school in the city. And the joy was beyond cloud nines.
So we study so hard to passed the tests. The three of us: me, my twin brother and my older brother (attending SH) And after a lot of study camp with our mother, we all passed.
When it's time to almost graduating elementary, I kinda felt a little nervous, scared that I won't fit in with all those rich kids. Trying so hard to make a good impression, buying stuffs that won't make me look as poor. Deciding what fashion-style should I go to. And what kinda friends I wanted to hang out with.
I tried so hard, you may say. Until I ruined my impressions. In the beginning, I already felt the bullying phase on me. You know, that kinda stuffs when you get pressure from mostly girls in your class. Because I actually was a dork and a shy kid. I can't socialise that easy, especially with girls. So I spent most of my times with the boys, I actually have one boy-friend that's pretty closed with me, though, during that beginning of puberty phase, boys are such a turn-offs, including my own twin brother. Then I kept my distance with the only one person who wanted to be friends with me. And for all I know, that boy was moving away, funnily, to my old school. But I did try to survive by being friends with students in another class, my old friends from elementary too. I have to survive at one point somehow.
The bullying kept happening for the first semester, until the climax happened when I actually so depressed about it. You know that was the year of 2010, and twitter has started to be a trend. Also, blackberrys, and silly bands (Tho I'm so proud I survived it all) We were all on twitter, we tweet so liberately, about our own thoughts, our friends, and maybe our crushes. Mentions and retweets as if it determines our social standards. Most of our education were from a twitter account that shared about #funfacts. And we "maturely" follow twitter accounts about relationships. As if we understand enough about it.
Oh I was saying, yes, the climax actually happened in that social media platforms. I had enough of crying my eyes out the first second I arrived home. I had enough of getting scared to get out of bed in the morning. This pain has to end somehow. So I stupidly and brave-fully stood up with my tweets. Saying stuffs about my classmates.
Of course, it's not actually the best way to handle a fight. But I was 12, what choice do I have?
And as expected, yes, I got confront by my classmates. One day, they called me to "talk". Which is a word for a social court. Which now come to think about it, was actually very smart and brave too for them. They confronted me and I forgot maybe I apologised. But I kinda recalled about having a bigger court with the whole class and a teacher. However it was, the storm was over.
The girls stop bullying me and were kinda nice. I still have my best friends from another class and also a bunch of seniors who I met in the magazine club. Finally the storm was over and a silver lining revealed.
Though that phase really kinda help me to be who I am today. And I'm grateful for it to happened. Aside from the pain and panic attacks.
The year finished perfectly, I made my first short movie for the class's IT class assignment. I had a crush on a boy. Involved at the schools event. Join the camps and all. And of course, some best friends.
And then comes the second year. Since I survived the social wars now, it's not really the biggest topic in this year. But more of a higher level of drama.
I have a different kind of friends, friends whom I never thought I'd be friends with. And also... first boyfriend!!
Of course in that time, everybody has started dating. As I said, I was a dork and shy kid (well a little less than the previous year) who would like a small girl like me??
Aaaaand there he was.
I was on the science club (i dont even know why) and this boy came up to me, give me a piece of paper and asked me to write my number. Can you believe? A 13 year old me, being asked of my number. In a time of a world full of online messengers and social medias. As if I was picked up in a bar.
Did I give it to him? Confusing and awkwardly, yes.
But turns out, I still have that "ew boys" hormones in me. Until I feel so disgusted by all of his messages that pops up in my phone. But still replying one or two of them. And somehow, I don't know how, he decided to asked me out.
And this is not the "asked me out" in a chat or a phone call or even in a face-to-face private conversation. This is the real "ask me out" with 3 classes of students watching and supporting. That apparently people still remembers somehow.
The thing is, I knew before hand that he wanted to ask me out. And I remember not liking the idea of that, since I don't really like him that much. And I don't know how much he paid them, but my friends keeps pushing me.
And then he chose the perfect date of 11.11.11 (11th November 2011) I was so scared, but he actually did it. And in a room full of eyes on me (read: pressure) Me-whom at first do not want to accept-accepts. I don't know why people was so happy about it until the boys started to celebrate and lift him up like he just won the nationals soccer game.
And me? He was my first boyfriend and I don't know anything about love! We ended up with 2 years relationships of on and offs. But relax, now, 8 years later, he become one of my best friend.
That's the highlight of the second year, the rest was just a friendships and rebellion things. I remember one event that I was actually the class leader but getting replaced when I had in a fight with one of the teacher. And the year I begin to lied to my mom, which was so ugly. And how I embarrassed myself by (not) playing piano in front of the whole classes. This year was full of new experiences and feelings. All the good and bad ones.
Third year just went as it should be. The final year, so it was full of exams and academic stuffs. I never cared about it, so I don't mind being in a D or C level class. But it was full of another friends story too.
And I remember instead of going to the farewell trip to Bali, me and my twin brother went with my mom to Jogja.
I think third year was happy, so there's not much to tell, lol.
That's all for the nostalgic writing of me. I don't know why I feel like writing about it, maybe since I just listened to the Glee playlist and how I just reunited with my twin brother again.
All I wanted to say is, I've come a long way since then. Now I turned to be a young woman who really likes to study, and creative thinking. Whose chasing dreams to become a (still) writer and guess what--neuropsychologist. Who had enough of being socially awkward and shy. Who's hopelessly in love with a boy and wishing for us to get married already (who's funnily, is somewhere in the stories)
So many stories that lead us to where we are now, so remembering them sometimes is pretty good for reflections. Thanking for all the pain, heart breaks, sadness and disappointment that made us as strong as we are now. Somewhere inside of us, that kid is still in there.
13/12/19
the day after the short escape
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