"At least I tried."

"If I did the surgery, you will have the risk of injuring your sensory nerve, you might get numb in that area for--worst case--permanently. If you scared, and if you felt like the surgery is not yet necessary, that it hasn't disturb you that much. You can choose to back out, it's okay, but keep maintaining that way. But of course, if it gets worse, it could leads to having cyst (threatening you to have a baby) or also maybe a tumor. Your choice."

Said the doctor that will operate the surgery in my mouth, to get rid of my right molar that won't grow outside of my gum, because apparently my jaw is waaay too small to make way.

I've been living with this one unwanted and unexpected molar for two years or so, his brother (somehow in my mind they're male) the left molar, had been dissected a year ago. With a female dentist, that almost gave up half way, and keep complaining how small my jaw really is (The pain was more of a mentally than physically)

Now it's time for him. I hated to have him on my mouth traffic, on the ecosystem of my teeth. He is not supposed to be there, he doesn't belong lying down under my gum and have his little head popped up sneaking around trying to see what was going on.

If I could speak to him, I would say:

Hey you! What's up? Nice to know you, oh and... Can you please stop trying to be a part of the team?? You didn't help me chew even a little bit, you made it worse!! And plus, you're gonna risk the chance of me having a baby??? Nope. Not another beep. Just like that, you're out.

But then, after months of making an appointment and finding the "right" time on my schedule (and even had to have a little fight with the receptionist.) The seconds before I thought I can finally get rid of you for good, the person that was gonna help me said that I could have a risk of making a part of my mouth numb??? Is that how bad you wanna stay with me??? You know, if you asked me nicely, maybe I would consider it. But you had your chance and you stupidly blew it. Suck it up, ass hole. I don't care if my mouth gets a little "numb", it's better than to HAVE YOU HERE.

"Get it out already." answered me to the dentist.

Having the risk of making my mouth numb, was maybe a big thing for someone to made their decisions. But somehow, it wasn't for me.

Why? I was thinking about: now. I have trained myself to live in the moment, to live in the now. For the past couple of weeks, it has been working amazingly good. It kept me from being stress out about the future and regretting the past. All I have is now. All I have to do is do the things that God told me to do. So if I died, I can say "At least I tried." and I'm sure, my God appreciate efforts.

As long as I live, I will always try to be in the very best shape of myself in every aspects; spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. It's my way of worshiping my Creator. It's the reason I get out of bed every day.

And having my molar teeth out, even with the risk of numbing my mouth. Is one of them.

If I get numb, maybe it was meant to be numb. And maybe in some way, it's a blessing instead of a curse. Whatever will be, will be. Que cera, que cera. Because at least, I tried.


Right now, it has been 24 hours since the surgery, and we will see in about days or weeks, if I'll get numb or not. Of course I pray for it doesn't have to happen. But you know, if it did: at least I tried.

Wish me luck.

22/12/19