I have a twin brother, we were in the same womb together, we only separate by 5 minutes when we were being born into the world. We were together for the entire early and middle childhood phase. We were best friends.
Until we got to adolescent.
Adolescent was a messy phase, it was the time puberty begin to start. And all those biological changes happens to the boy and the girl body. Hormones begins to blow up.
In some way in middle school, we begin to drift a part. We have our own friends. Our own thoughts and opinions that's so oppose from each other. When we step outside the car when mom drop us off, we changed from a family member, a house mate to an acquaintance at school. We don't talk. Unless it's to make people believe that we are friends. Because how sad it would be to see a twin brother and sister basically a strangers?
It all continue up to high school, it never gets better. For one time I think we changed when we went student exchange together, but when we got home, all back to basic. So we keep continuing being fake in public. And not, in private.
Am I devastated about this? Yes. But some how, it's not devastated enough for me to really change myself.
Then graduation happened. He went overseas and I stayed. It was because of different path and destination. At first I was so sad to think that he would never come back and leave his life here. And I would completely missed the chance of "fixing" this forever.
But instead, I made a stupid mistake to pushed him even more, because that's just how smart I am.
Even if we met for the first time in 2 years, we don't fix our problem. We just let it grow between us.
And for the year after. When he finally come home for our brother's wedding. It gets better, but not the best. Being alone together is still not usual, but at least we don't avoid each other that much. At least, now we talk, even if there has to be another person with us.
Then I begin to think. Maybe, there's nothing to fix. Maybe it should be as there is.
After studying about human behaviour and mind, I learned that we all have different personalities and preferences, and it's normal. A friend is not always a good friend to another. We don't always like a friend, that's why we have a best friend, a friend we like the most, separated by those who don't.
And sharing a womb together with doesn't change it.
I don't want to have the pressure about something that I was born with. (literally)
So... I just let go from trying so hard to fix it... to accepting.
I stop denying. I stop avoiding talking about it.
Maybe we are meant to be this way. And it's okay.
I could never change it anyway. Or have the eager to try hard so hard to change it.
I'm okay to have a twin brother on the other side of the world that I don't talk to every day.
I'm okay that all the other friends know him better than I do. I'm okay that he chose his friends over me. And so does he.
But we are and we will never not be--biologically twin siblings.
I will always understand the way his mind works.
We will always have "twintuition"
And we will always come back to the same home.
Even if he doesn't want it to.
Until we got to adolescent.
Adolescent was a messy phase, it was the time puberty begin to start. And all those biological changes happens to the boy and the girl body. Hormones begins to blow up.
In some way in middle school, we begin to drift a part. We have our own friends. Our own thoughts and opinions that's so oppose from each other. When we step outside the car when mom drop us off, we changed from a family member, a house mate to an acquaintance at school. We don't talk. Unless it's to make people believe that we are friends. Because how sad it would be to see a twin brother and sister basically a strangers?
It all continue up to high school, it never gets better. For one time I think we changed when we went student exchange together, but when we got home, all back to basic. So we keep continuing being fake in public. And not, in private.
Am I devastated about this? Yes. But some how, it's not devastated enough for me to really change myself.
Then graduation happened. He went overseas and I stayed. It was because of different path and destination. At first I was so sad to think that he would never come back and leave his life here. And I would completely missed the chance of "fixing" this forever.
But instead, I made a stupid mistake to pushed him even more, because that's just how smart I am.
Even if we met for the first time in 2 years, we don't fix our problem. We just let it grow between us.
And for the year after. When he finally come home for our brother's wedding. It gets better, but not the best. Being alone together is still not usual, but at least we don't avoid each other that much. At least, now we talk, even if there has to be another person with us.
Then I begin to think. Maybe, there's nothing to fix. Maybe it should be as there is.
After studying about human behaviour and mind, I learned that we all have different personalities and preferences, and it's normal. A friend is not always a good friend to another. We don't always like a friend, that's why we have a best friend, a friend we like the most, separated by those who don't.
And sharing a womb together with doesn't change it.
I don't want to have the pressure about something that I was born with. (literally)
So... I just let go from trying so hard to fix it... to accepting.
I stop denying. I stop avoiding talking about it.
Maybe we are meant to be this way. And it's okay.
I could never change it anyway. Or have the eager to try hard so hard to change it.
I'm okay to have a twin brother on the other side of the world that I don't talk to every day.
I'm okay that all the other friends know him better than I do. I'm okay that he chose his friends over me. And so does he.
But we are and we will never not be--biologically twin siblings.
I will always understand the way his mind works.
We will always have "twintuition"
And we will always come back to the same home.
Even if he doesn't want it to.
And that's... the beauty of it.
17/12/19
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